2016, let bygones be bygones..!

Assalamualaikum. Hai.

A lot of things happened during 2016. The biggest one is definitely me being a doctor. 18 April 2016 was the turning point. Since then, so many thoughts came across. Am I choosing the right pathway? No (diri sendiri jawab).

Happened to choose this hospital as my training hospital on becoming a good doctor. But somehow I regretted. But how I pujuk myself is by saying that I wanna do a non-clinical anyway.

Life as a houseman? During my first posting, I used to tunduk kepala to everyone. But entering second posting, I started to learn to raise voice.  Menghempas ganggang telefon kuat-kuat was my favourite part. The most pissed off moment until using the word pergi mampos to patient's relatives who insisted on at own risk discharge.

I don't mind to be blamed or scolded on whatever mistakes done. But please teach me. What the fuck if you just know how to scold housemen yet gave no input to us. I learnt nothing. Then how am I going to improve myself. As if you never being a houseman before.

Then I developed resistant. If you want to scold me, go ahead. I just want to finish up my job and go back as early as possible. Betul orang cakap, sejak mengamalkan prinsip pergi mampos, tahap kebahagian meningkat 200%.

Tak pernah sehari pun aku pergi kerja tanpa ada rasa nak quit. I met psychiatrist and counselor. If you have same problem with me, maybe we can share. I did share my problem to this one colleague who had similar problem like mine. It do help. Tak sama kalau kita share dengan orang yang tak sama masalah dengan kita. At most they can give an advice. Siapa butuh nasihat?

With all those fussy patient (and sometimes rude), I find it not worth to hold my bladder for not having time to use restroom, to starve for skipping the meals, to lack of sleep for staying awake, for these not-so-grateful patients. Go to hell you people.

Bila dalam solat, aku tak doa diberi kekuatan sebab aku takut nanti cabaran mendatang akan lagi hebat. Tapi aku berdoa supaya dipermudahkan jalan menempuhi housemanship. Okay insaf kejap lepas dah banyak carut.

THANK YOU